Be Ee Sea Tee Eh?

Currently the government is spending 3 thousand million more pounds a week than it earns. You could say this was pretty good going considering they've only been in power for two weeks. They were given a good head start though by the other lot whose capacity for finding things to throw money at seemed to know no bounds. According to SuperDave one of those bits of bad spending was on what he called "Bee Cee Tee Ayy" but which some of us know is actually BECTA - more on that in a bit...

Now riding on to the scene to sort out the horribly complicated mess we have the milky bar kid and his big brother. For some reason the milky bar kid is in charge and we have to call him chancellor. He gets to dress up in a white bow tie and keep the city boys on side with a good line in posh banter and providing decent discounts on the family's wallpaper collection. This is important as if they stop lending him the money then he'll have to print it and it's hello Weimar Republic. The big brother is doing the real work and is very clever and very serious so we call him David, not like posh cousin Dave who lives in the Big House in Downing St or Uncle Nick who speaks a zillion languages and talks like a Sixth Form debating team captain. Big Brother David is the man who is going to come along with his shiny axe and chop that nasty overspending into tiny pieces.

I have very high hopes for David, he looks, talks and acts like a man who knows what needs doing and is willing to do it. However by taking the axe instantly to BECTA he has missed a great opportunity to turn an agency with a slightly confused purpose into a force for driving down school IT costs, disseminating some great research to improve practice and understanding of technology and providing a powerful central purchasing platform that could get those 'free schools' their kit at both a profit to the taxpayer and a saving to the school.

Sorry David - EPIC FAIL

If he does a really good job he'll be able to put the finances back in order in about 20 years or so. If he does it badly then we can welcome back old friends hyperinflation and balance of payments crisis. They've not been around for a while so some of us thought that like the compometer they were truly a thing of the past but watching Greece be strangled by debt deflation tells us that bits of the 1930's are due for a comeback.

When to Just Shut Up

Imagine the scene, you are the MP for a slightly run-down seaside resort and DaveNick gets you on the blower and says 'hey, we need someone to sort out Ed Balls' mess and we think you're the guy to do it, cool - anyway, laters we've totally pwnd the Labour party and are like really busy creating a new progressive something, whatever Steve Hilton said. Anyway you're now the GoveMeister's new bitch so get to it and sort out the schools, like now! Ciao ciao!'

You've been an Accountant so you know a bit about adding up, partly because you studied it, but not at University because you did Law there but anyway you passed your exams and told lots of people how they should run their business. You know this clearly means you can tell everyone how to teach maths. However, you're smart enough to realise that schools probably do more than this so you reach into the deepest and most powerful parts of your enormous Willett-sized brain and develop the cleverest and most carefully crafted argument for the new government's schools policy. It is something so wise and yet so straightforward that you feel sure the DaveNick will be proud of you and you prepare for your first newspaper interview.

The elfin- faced reporter, wearing a pair of what you always call Doris Day trousers and some slingbacks is shown into your lovely new office. You point out the charming picture of a lovely rural scene you have selected from the Art collection, only slightly bristling at the memory of it being described as a 'Grade 3 picture' by your Principal Private Secretary. You are sure you heard muffled giggles and are pretty sure someone exclaimed "oh God" as it was carried through the outer office but you also know not to be oversensitive about the Marxist infiltrators currently working around you. The reporter makes herself comfortable and you give her your famous charming smile which once ironically styled "undertaker with piles" by your Durham chums. The interview begins and she asks the obvious question "Teachers. A bit crap aren't they?"

At first you are taken aback - is it legal for young ladies to swear? Not wishing to upset the coalition by being seen as old fashioned and not 'with it' you stick to answering the question in an answer so pithy and erudite as to merit front page headlines and warm syrupy comments from your colleagues and your army of fans longing for a great leap forwards back to the 1950s

"Miss" you say before remembering your equal opportunities training by that Warsi woman and seamlessly adding "errr I mean Ms. or is it Miss? Well, it's all so confusing these days with all this political correctness gone mad - anyway I think it's lovely you have such a good job and maybe one day you'll marry the editor Ha Ha... " You notice she has turned on her tape cassette recorder and quickly think "why didn't she do that when she was asking her question" before diving straight into the answer you have been working on since first starting to shadow the education brief 5 years ago...

"Well... Teachers? yes, we do have teachers but frankly I'd rather be taught Physics by someone untrained but with an Oxbridge degree than someone with a Physics degree from a third rate university with a PGCE and experience"

After the interview is over you pat yourself on the back for a job well done and ask someone to type you a memo (which you are surprised to find is not pronounced meemo by any of your Civil Servants). You are disappointed to be told that as it was a political interview you have to do it yourself using something called E-Male but don't know what that is so decide to leave it alone until DaveNick gets around to giving you a Spade or is it a SpAd, well some junior office wallah anyway.

Well there's a nightmarish thought - imagine waking up and finding that you are the illustrious MP for Bognor Regis, Nick Gibb, and honestly think reading a bit of Physics makes you a good teacher of Physics. For his next trick Mr Gibb can tell us why he has decided to replace his chauffer with someone who has thought about doing the thoery test for driving and his Permanent Private Secretary with someone from Office Angels whose minute taking skills are better and who doesn't moan about making the tea.

This prize buffoon is set to appear in many posts I fear - unless Gove can get him moved and quickly.

Click Start to begin

Well finally the blog I have promised myself to start is started.

Whilst occasinoally wandering off into musings on the socio-political arena this is mostly an outlet for my public musings on my research work into education practice and more specifically the nature and form of education research as it applies to practitioners of the tricky art of teaching.

With the arrival of a new government with a new approach I am really hopeful that there will be a move both towards localising education decision making and encouraging bottom-up research.

Recent years have seen a massive move towards 'evidence-based' research. This is no bad thing except for the total distortion of the word 'evidence'. More of that in future posts.